Kiss And Tell

I’m lying in bed, watching MTV Base and guess which song came on…that gay-ish song by 3Oh3 & Ke$ha-My first kiss. Their lips in that song are very yucky…i mean why do they have to paint on gold lipstick and start pouting like snakes in our faces?(Do snakes pout?..whatever) And that Ke$ha? she just looks Fulani to me…Fulani with make-up on (sorry to her fans..).
That is by the way though because the aim of this post is to narrate my own first kiss *giggles*

This is when i say this post is rated 13 or 14. Scratch that! If you’ve not kissed before, kindly backflip off this page!

So it happened like this..*inserts Yoruba movie sound track*…i had just been admitted into Uni and nailed a boyfriend (my first) in my 3rd week (I’m hot like that, cough till you drop). That time, i thought my boyfriend was the hottest thing since microwave and the cutest since Reynolds pen…he was my Mr. Perfect Perfectoria raised to power perfect (ofcourse, my mind has changed!).

Anyways, then i didn’t know people that are not married could kiss…i kid you not! I was 16 and a former secondary school nerd so do not judge me abeg. You guys can imagine my astonishment when my boyfriend asked for a kiss in the 4th week of our relationship. I wanted to die. In fact, I almost called my mother to tell her i just had an encounter with one of the bad people she warned me about. I had worn my shoes to go report him to the principal before I remembered I was out of Secondary School. I was beyond confused.

Your writer’s first statement to her boyfriend came out as a question “Are we whites?” (Gosh! *slaps forehead* Deola, you were stupid!). Ha! How he laughed..

Not to bore you guys, after him asking me about 5 times,me making some enquiries from my girlfriends& watching kissing videos on my roomie’s Nokia flip phone, the “moment” arrived. I was finally ready to perform some saliva exchange (ewww! I hate thinking of kissing this way…lol).

The venue was infront of my hostel.

Me: XXX, you can kiss me now. I’m ready (like i wanted to face a firing squad)

XXX: oh! Really? Let’s start.

Me: *shoots lips out and closes eyes*….*shouts* WAIT!!!!

XXX: what? Why?

Me: Someone just passed…i saw a shadow…

***5 minutes later***

Me: Oya, let’s do this…

XXX: Ok *moves lips closer*

Me: *pushes his face away* you are going to spend just one minute

XXX: *deepest sigh in the whole world* OK!

I leaned on the fence and the guy closed in…Home girl didn’t move her lips! I just stood there while he chewed my lips, not feeling anything! That kiss was worse than that one between Odunlade Adekola and Gbogbo Bigz girl…(its not like i have seen them kiss before but I have good imaginative ability).

Immediately he finished, i went to the tap nearby to wash my mouth (hangs head in deep shame). Please don’t abuse me, It just felt like the right thing to do then, like washing your mouth when a foreign object enters.

The remaining kisses we shared (did we really share?oh well) in our relationship was drawn out in an unwritten timetable…once per week. I won’t tell you how long the relationship lasted so you “Mathematicians” won’t calculate how many kisses we shared and the Chemistry majors won’t be able to estimate how many litres of saliva was exchanged…hehehe!

I just wonder if he told/tells his (ex)girlfriend(s) about that weird girl that stood there while he chewed her lips, especially that his girlfriend that used to stare at me in a funny way in school! That won’t be fair on me though, because its just “name-spoiling” and “rep-destroying”.

Will he tell his kids? Will he & his future wife have a good laugh about me before they have that very hot sex? Is he thinking of blogging about it now or has he? *sigh* I just pray he doesn’t wake up one day & decide he wants to start singing because then he’ll sing about it and y’all would know its me! That kinda song sells mehn…*sigh*

Wanna share your first kissing experience? Drop a comment so we can all have a good laugh. You could comment as anonymous incase that person you wanna talk about would have your head on his/her plate.

XOXO

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Comments
38 Responses to “Kiss And Tell”
  1. cassbaba noni says:

    My first kissing experience? Hmmm, I was dating a girl 2 years olderthan me *i was 15* & I was too scared to ask for a kiss. But I knew we both wanted to experiment. So we went into my grandpa’s room & was chatting & chatting & the I lay back ad closed my eyes. Good thing she read my mind cos next thing I knew, we were lip to lip & it was heaven…..

  2. Deola says:

    LMAO…ofcourse, it would be heaven since you had it with a cougar mama

  3. onikoyi mariam says:

    Wow I love dis.so innocent.too bad I knt remember ow ma 1st kiss went down,well mayb dts coz d guy is an asshole!oops did I jst say dat?*shrugs*

    • @cassbaba noni says:

      jeez mariam! so you”ve had so much kissin experience that you cant even remember ur first kiss? na wah o!

      N.B

      and dont call me an arsehole! i’m a very good kisser!

  4. desiree says:

    chai! muyiwa….heavenly ma foot!….
    deola, dt blog was damn funny…
    well ma first kissing experience?????? hmmmm…..twas with this cool handsome club boy that i was dating then in ma skl…(tertiary)…i was more of a disciplined lady and neva wanted to kiss till i got in ma Part 2….but this guy was jst so persistent…..
    anyways, leave story!! in dt same skl, i had a very horrible stalker who was a cultist and wanted to date me at all cost..such a ugly cult member for dt mata!! well, since i was dating one of the hottest and ” lenu mbe” guys,i decided to tell him abt ma stalker one particular nyt afta i got threatened….i was so scared!! he held me close and told me nt to worry and all wil be taken care of (def…why am i dating a bigz boy then!)…nxt tin i knew, his mouth was on mine..i rili wanted to pull free but kiss was lingering, and soft, and warm…..ohhhhh!!! i just melted! ….had beta kisses after that tho! hehehe

  5. Deola says:

    Sheesh Mariam…U didn’t just say that! He’s an ass that has a hole? That means he’s full of shit,lol! Yeah, I was innocent and HELL YES! I still i am..

  6. Mariam says:

    9ce post again……………..my first kiss………..i cant rmbr 😦

  7. DjBee says:

    Nice. I haven’t kissed before but I’ll use this post as a manual.

  8. Luciano says:

    Which kind 12yr old story be this? Washed ur mouth after kissing? O_o UBER-LAME. Cass ur story sounds girlie….smh4u.

    My 1st kiss wasn’t with any ‘special girl’ or under any ‘special moon’ and there was too much tongue involved for a 1st kiss IMO.

  9. mee says:

    My 1st kiss lasted 4 lyk 10secs but it was blisssss! Lyk my biggest crush eva, afta 2yrs of playing hide and seek, I finally hooked up wv him, gisted laffed 4 hrs… and b4 we knew it, our lips got married…*daydreaming* lol …btw I was 17yrs πŸ˜€

  10. @seyicentaur says:

    Choi!!my first kissin experience was wit one of my mum’s relative(she was residin wit us then befor her eviction).i was abt 14 then,i think she was 18.i was exposed to pornography too early in life (i watched them wit her) so i didnt really mess up.she came to my room one fateful day and it all started(it may sound lyk molestation but i wanted it too).it was beautiful(i still relish it) and it went on till she left πŸ˜›

  11. bAlTiMoRe says:

    Hmmm…My first kiss? Wow..was also dating a girl older me just like cassbaba n mean while I had lied to her I was older..lol..don’t judge me just yet,I was only 16 n just finished from a boys only school *that’s the only time I’ve lied abt my age tho*..so,I guess u can imagine wat I could have been like..so,on this fateful day we were all going home from lesson n on the stairs right there after she just agreed to go out wiv me a few mins earlier upstairs,we kissed..*n pls don’t judge me for wat I’m about to say again* Right there in front of her on the stairs,I spat through the the window cos I was disgusted n did so till I got home n throughout that fateful day..wuld u call that a good or bad experience? X_X

  12. @seyicentaur says:

    she is not frm my bloodline,its quite distant so no big deal(winks)

  13. p says:

    Can’t remb my first kissin experience or who the gal was!bt i can vividly rembr my first REAL kiss.it was wit ds beautiful gal,she was my object of desire.we didn’t pick a particular date, it even happened in a weird scenario bt once we started it was lik our lips were meant for eachother.it was awesome!!!!

  14. Mr Payne says:

    Nice read *lol*

  15. ruffwise says:

    Lmao @ “are we whites?”…OMG!!, U were dt naive @ dt time…hehehe

    My 1st kiss happened @ unilag’s lagoon front back den-jst finishd sec. schl n me n d gal was on a date @ d lagoon front…cnt really remember ow it started bt it was a good foundation for my “art of kissing” now…’fcourse, d chick was more xperienced dan me so she took her time leading me on wid her lips n tongue n i followed suit like a martial art student learning from d master…lol…Junior ws so hard, he almost busted thru ma jeans…lol…i remember ow embarrassed i ws trying to concealling it…we dated for like a year plus n i amassed so much xperience dt i culd beat my master @ her own game….all in all she’ still ma number 2 best kisser*wink*

  16. @rijiriji says:

    Yepa!!! Well I must it was fun reading dis(comments too). *smb* 4u @ ‘Are we whites’.
    X_X I can’t rememba my 1st kiss at all. Bt it must have bin around my ’16yrs old’ blaq sheep phase.

  17. bAlTiMoRe says:

    U can say that again..big time konji..none of the above..just felt irritated noni cos it was the first time…

  18. Commentator says:

    Hahahaha… Monica Lewinksy toh behd…Now I feel like a rapist… Like i was raping your lips all those while.. We should hook up.. lemme see if ur subsequent boyfriends have taught you wel.. If they haven’t… I’ll right my wrongs πŸ˜‰

  19. Frankices says:

    Awwww… ^_^ *pink cheeks*

    β€œAre we whites?”. This is so cute! ^_^

    I rememba mine. I was 18 n it was with my Lit teacher… He liked the way I said “Olivia”. x_x

  20. highlandblue says:

    LOL I had my first kiss at age 2.

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